This entry is all about me, the mom and trying to get my mojo back. It's starting. There are and will be speed bumps along the way but I think I'm at least on the path of "starting."
Price will be 3 this weekend and Parker just turned 15 months. The moment I decided I needed to make a change was a month ago. She just turned 14 months. I was sleep deprived, moody, my body ached when I woke up in the morning, my self esteem very low and my confidence near zero. I was sick of not having my usual Reenie energy that I've had my whole life. I was sick of going throughout my day feeling heavy and carrying around weight I knew my body was not suppose to have on its frame. I was sick of not feeling my usual endorphines I felt when I exercised hard. I was sick of a lot of things and I missed a lot of things. So a change needed to be made.
I realized that Parker was no longer a newborn and even though I was, and am, still breast feeding, I knew I needed to start doing something for myself. I understood that some things, many things would still be present and frustrating, but I knew I could change one thing, and that one thing was exercise. I'm a personal trainer for God's sake. I work 3 mornings a week from 6-7am leading a hard core boot camp class for hard working ladies who want the same thing I do. I give them all I have. I motivate, educate and have a blast doing it. But I was not working out myself to the point I needed to to release the much needed endorphines and feel the way I wanted to feel.
As soon as I was given the go ahead at my 6 week post C section appointment after Parker, I wanted to work out and work out routinely. But with everything that goes along with having 2 babies, I was never able to get into a consistent routine that needed to happen to see progress. I knew I only had one choice and that was to workout BEFORE my 6am class. And I needed help. I needed a partner in crime who would motivate me, push me, and hold me accountable. Even trainers need trainers. Everyone needs an extra push, especially this tired mom. So I reached out to a fellow worker outer and she agreed to meet me, 5am. First day was August 19th. On that first monday morning I got through it. I felt more energized to teach my class right after. It was awesome. After our workout, Brett, my partner, said, "what are you doing tomorrow?" I said, "oh, probably taking the kids in the stroller and going for a jog." and then she said, "why don't you have that be extra? meet me here at 5am and we'll do the ferry hill." "Hah?" is what I thought but "yes" is what I agreed to. Best decision ever. We work out 3 mornings a week in my exercise studio, half of the time lead by her husband, Bryan, a fellow trainer who works in the studio. And then Tuesday, Thursdays we go for a run. She is like me, if we are going to do it, we'll do it right, and hard. Hills are often very plentiful in our runs. It's amazing but it's VERY hard.
My alarm goes off at 4:15 and that is after I have gotten up once or twice with Parker. Yeah, I still feed her in the night and wouldn't change that for anything. I enjoy it, it gives her comfort and I'll do it for however long she wants. Well, I'll get back to you on that last statement. We'll re-evaluate that in a couple months:) Anyway, when my alarm goes off it's hard to wrap my mind around how much sleep I actually got or how long the rest of the family will be sleeping before they get up. But I have no other choice. If I decide to work out and have a consistent program, I have to do it at 5. No other options. So there is it.
The last month I've worked hard but I've also had to skip days, like today because Price had a fever and was up most of the night. I know I do not like running with 20 extra pounds or big, heavy boobs but I know if I keep working hard I'll start to see the changes physically. I've already seen the changes mentally and for me, at this point in time, that is the most important. My mood is better and more stable. I do not have such roller coaster moments as I like to refer to them. I sleep better, when I sleep. I don't hit the 3 in the afternoon wall as hard as before. I hit it, but it's more of a fender bender than a head on crash. I have more energy and am more confident. That all being said, at the same time, where I have been asked 2 times in the past month if I'm expecting. Rough. Not fun, not fun at all, but all part of the process. I'll get there and for now, I'm enjoy the processing of getting my mojo back.
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